You probably found yourself on the bathroom floor yelling hysterically «I can’t handle this any more. Why? Why is this happening to me?» The baby has been crying all day. You’ve tried your best to comfort him without much success. His yelling now drives you mad. I know. I’ve been there.
So many thoughts and emotions whirling as a thunderstorm in your mind. Pity, anger, unsatisfaction, despair. «What am I doing wrong? I am a bad mother. I can’t comfort my baby. I can’t even handle one child! I’m so week, I feel sick of myself. There are mothers who have twins or triplets. I bet they don’t lie on the floor crying and pitting themselves. They just don’t have time for this bullshit. What the heck am I doing here?»
I see you. It will pass. Time will heal you. I wish I could tell you there won’t be any terrible days like this one anymore. But I can’t. Because there will be. And even worse. But you will manage to make it through the day. You will find strength. Because you are a Mother now.
Your life has changed forever the moment your child was born. You changed your skin. Became a better person. For your baby. For yourself. I want you to remember that day, that very moment of his delivery. How scared you were. No wonder, you had a mission to bring new life to this world. This is terrifying, yet stunning! This day changed your life completely. You will no longer be this person you were before. Will you miss her? For sure, you will. Will you want more freedom? No doubt.
From now on you’ll learn what exhaustion really means and how sleep is actually important. Because you will be deprived from it for the most part. The days will look the same. One after another. Resembling the vicious circle with no end in sight. It will utterly frustrate you and piss you off from time to time. You will find new sides of your personality. You baby will give you a chance to take a glance at yourself from another angle. You will be reluctant at first but learn how to be patient and accept things that happen to you afterwards.
I know you want more space. More time for yourself. Spend evenings with your husband like you used to. Rush to a movie, dine in a posh restaurant all dressed up, go and have some fun cycling or roller skating. Just the two of you. But the truth is, there will never be «the two of you» any more. It will always be +1. And I reassure you, as much as you feel completely devoured by the baby right now, you’ll learn how to be yourself again. Time will grant you this privilege.
But I’ll tell you what: learn to cherish every single moment because there is a last time for everything.
The last time you breastfeed your baby hugging him softly, straining him to your heart.
The last time you hold your child in your arms. He will fall asleep from the gentle swinging of your pace like he used to in your womb. But some day he will become so heavy you won’t manage to sweep him up anymore.
The last time you sleep-share hugging your sweet baby because one day he won’t need it all at once.
You will bathe your kid as you used to. It will seem so natural. But eventually he will ask you not to do this anymore and will take a bath by himself.
He will ask you to play with him when you’re busy cooking, working or housekeeping. And please, just cut everything out and go play with your child because the day will come when you will be ready to give everything to play with the little one yet he wouldn’t need this anymore.
He will wake you up at night because he was terrified of the nightmare and wanted to cuddle with you. But in a jiff you’ll realize, this was the last time he woke you up because he wanted you to comfort him.
He will hold your hand while crossing the road. And then suddenly he will no longer ask you for that.
He will give you a kiss before going to school and some days after he will never do the like again.
There will be the last time you sing a lullaby. The last time you dress your baby. The last time you read a bedtime story and wipe the tears of his face with your soft mother’s touch of true care.
One day will be the last time he runs towards you to jump into your arms and laugh with joy.
The thing is, you’ll never know when this last time strikes. It’s abrupt and unexpected. You cannot be prepared for that. Yet when the last time comes, all you have to do is let go. Before you know it, your child has grown. Probably too fast. Believe me, this day is not far away from where you are now, craving to have more freedom. You will have your freedom but never will these touching moments with your child happen again.
Raising children is not easy. Never easy. But it’s the most rewarding experience a woman can ever have in her life. A true blessing. A chance to make a difference. A chance to be different yourself. Motherhood is a unique experience full of beautiful moments that you will soon be lodging fondly in memory. The moments every mother will miss someday down the line…
So learn to live for the day and relish every second. Because there will always be the last time for everything…